My Symphony of Happiness

My Hope

Thursday, February 14, 2013 • 23:35 • 0 comments

I don't feel like wanting to continue again. For real. What should I do?

I even feel confused this time.

Is this 'not what I want'? Or is it just because I am 'lazy'? I admit it that I am such a lazy person. But, it's different. I am not wanting to be a medical student because that lazy thing, it's just, not my passion. To be honest, I am still having no idea what my passion is. But, definitely, -> not a medical student.

I know that the advantages I will get is bigger than 'not-being-a-doctor-wanna-be'. But, what if we don't want to be involved in?

My father keeps saying that if I go into the major that 'I like', I will be negligent. But, who can guarantee that?

Who can guarantee my successful life? Not my father, it's me.

I've been thinking of trying to do SBMPTN. Yeah, I've never tried SNMPTN before, and I admit it, that the questions are quite hard if I am not preparing from now. The Senior High School final exams almost made me collapse, how about SNMPTN? -_-

Now, the question is.... What major?

I GOT NO IDEA. The only thing in my mind is to be a teacher---English teacher. Though I don't know what the advantages nor disadvantages I will get.

Oh God... Give me a light...

People around me are trying to make me stay. They say I can do it. Really? Are you guys me?

Logically, I know that the suffers my friends and I suffer now will be worth it. BUT, what kind of suffers?

My father keeps asking me to be patient, patient, and patient. I keep trying. But, I just want to feel the paradise that my teacher has told me when he went to the major he really liked, he really was passionate into it.

I have heard that, let's create that 'paradise' in this major instead of moving on to the other major. I just can't. I really can't. You know guys, it's really difficult.

Yeah, if you want to be a doctor, you will keep suffering until you get that title---'a doctor'. Some people may see it as a cool thing. I have seen those kinds of faces, "yeah, I am a medical student" since 'I am a medical student' who goes along with those people. How disgusting. I know it'll be hard since the day one I stepped my feet onto the university's floors.

You know... I am kind of ready to move out. I can be described as a girl who's already packed her things into the suitcases and waited for the taxi who would bring her to be far from that place.

I suffered a lot.

This suffer doesn't mean I can't stand studying because the lessons are really hard, so I want to run away. No, not that kind of reasons. The lessons are freaking hard, but not because of them. It's because that I've already planted a feeling in my heart indirectly, that I don't belong there. This is not a place I've been dreaming of. I just don't wanna be there.

I usually have a special strength deep inside my heart for doing a battle with 'I can't do this' feeling. I've already had it since I was in the Senior High School. Alhamdulillah, it has saved me a lot. But, this time? I don't think so.

My tears are popping out from my eyes. No, not because of being sad, I am just sooo sleepy. Because of yawning again and again, my tears are falling down. *not lying at all. (Why should I write something useless like that? Oh, I forgot. This is my personal space. So what).

Ya Allah, give me a better solving way... I know that I am such a sinner, but I can't deny the presence of You who keeps accompanying me all the time and giving me helps again and again though I am such a shameful person... :'''''''(