Oh My God... 2014

Hello my blog, it's been forever I didn't visit and write you...
Okay... I think I have been hit by a really big hammer by Allah to make me realize. I have disappointed Him... I feel really sad, but I know that He meant something for what I have been going through...

I am so sorry for my behaviour...
I am sorry for my dishonesty...
I am sorry for keeping breaking the rules..
I am sorry for not being able to hold my temptation in doing bad things...
I am sorry for my laziness... You have given me a perfect life that anyone will be jealous... But I am breaking it into pieces...
I keep letting the evils take over the control of my mind and my body...
I keep letting them flow into my bloodstream...
I have the darkest soul everyone will go insane if they have it.
I am sorry for asking You forgiveness but still doing the bad things on the next day...
I am sorry for hurting the body You have given really well...
I am so sorry for lying to myself, my parents and my family...
I am also hating myself that I keep doing shitty things throughout my life...
I never got the prize if I ever did a championship, although I had prepared myself, still I never got it... Now I know why, because I don't deserve it...

For what I have done... I don't deserve anything... But still my parents keep giving me everything, love, advises, being the role models for me, perfect room, perfect things that we didn't afford when I was a child.

Time goes on but nothing increases inside me. I am getting old but no knowledge I have gained.

I have been lying to myself, to everyone around me. Since I keep lying, I am not knowing what is real and what is fake. Or I just adapt myself forcefully to believe what I have been faking.

I wanna have a change... But not just temporary but forever... And I will deserve to live in Allah's heaven... It's so hard... Though I know Allah won't ease His chosen people. I don't wanna be happy in this world if I can't get the happiness in later life. I wanna get the happiness in this world and in the afterworld... So do my family, my best friends, my friends, and all the Muslim people in Allah's created world. Aamiin...

Labels: Life